The Voice of Reason (Entry 22)

Date: March 22, 1951

Dearest Diary
It’s been two days since my last entry, as usual, a lot has happened. Right after I finished my entry Emmet returned and told me to throw out all my bags as they would only slow us down. I did as he asked but hid you under my dress.

We walked casually out of the town, I was painfully aware of the awful silence between us. I stopped and looked up at the stars feeling like my heart was breaking. I felt as if I were losing all those that I loved a second time and the pain seemed too much. I envied the humans who could cry, sleep, fall apart and die.

I was unaware that Emmet was watching me intensly until he suddenly swung me up onto his back and started to run. I hung on as tightly as I could and for the longest time neither of us spoke. I was mesmerized by the stars and unable to speak.

I begun to wonder if Emmett would ever speak to me again when thankfully, he stopped and half whispered with concern “Are you still suffering because of Royce’s past actions?”

I was quiet for a long minute and finally replied “yes.” Emmet murmered to me and it sounded like he was sad, understanding my pain and suffering. But I knew he couldn’t fully understand because he loved being a vampire. Loved all that immortality gave to him.

He told me I could vent my feelings and frustrations on him. So I told him everything the lady at my old house had told me. About meeting Henry. Patiently, Emmet listened until I had finished.

He smiled at me and said he had actually brought me here to New York in order for me to find closure. To direct me to the door so that I could close it myself and never look back. He said he didn’t think I’d break the rules that I, myself, had made. He thought I was stubborn enough to be strong enough. I smiled to myself, thinking, I was going to say I’m only human but then realized my mistake and told him I had a theory on that.

I told him that maybe I felt that I’d never recover from what Royce and his friends did to me. That when you are human you need time to heal from emotional pain and that they need a change like something new and exciting to do. “I am a vampire, and it’s true I do have time on my side, but there would be no new journey for me to take, nothing new and exciting to do,” I said. Emmet snorted, growled at me and said “huh, you’re full of it.” I stared at him hurt and puzzled.

He looked at me and said “what do you think we are doing now, isn’t it new and exciting? We’re starting out as husband and wife and starting our new life together.”

I smiled as I realized that Emmet was right. I felt happy to think that in time I would recover and heal from this. That Emmet would be my saviour and my guide.

It’s true - I will never stop wishing I was still human, I will want that for eternity, but I will move on and in time Royce will stop haunting me. He will be disgarded to my old memories and I will create new and better memories with my new husband Emmet.

I smiled and told Emmet he was right and leaned in to kiss him on the neck. He cheered up immediately, turned his head to show me his cheeky grin and he lowered me to the ground and tackled me. We made love in the field under the stars. There aren’t enough words to describe the pleasure and joy I felt as we laid in the field and watched the sunrise together, observing its beauty without speaking.

I smiled and welcomed the new day. Today was a significant day for me. Today was the day I put Royce behind me once and for all. I will never again dwell on the pain and suffering he caused me.

Our skin began to sparkle in the sunlight so we got up, dressed and ran to the cover of the woods and I spent the day in Emmet’s arms and we enjoyed the silence.

I need to go now, Emmet has decided that we should go home and cut our honeymoon short. I can’t really blame him, I ruined our honeymoon. I need to think of a way to make it up to him.

Rosalie Cullen