Depature (Entry 31)

Topic: A family Divided by blood
Date: September 16, 2005

Dearest Diary

The aftermath of Bella Swan has left my family emotionally wounded each for different reasons. Jasper my poor brother has been beating himself up blaming himself for what has happened. It's probably worse for him, not only does he blames himself, but he feels the emotions of everyone else feeling their pain and suffering.

Esme and Carlisle were down, they knew the time to move was coming, but they were hoping that Bella and Edward could sort something out when the time came. My parents knew without Bella around Edward would be without love and without love, life would be like music without notes it simply could not be.

Not even Emmett could lighten the mood up; he has been unusually quiet, I think he is afraid of saying the wrong thing and making things worse. Emmett would miss Bella, he liked having her around mostly because he believed Bella was good for this family.

Alice she is taking this extremely badly, she was begging Edward to change his mind. "Edward she will die without you" Edward insisted that Bella would be fine; she promised him she would not do anything reckless. Alice wanted to go and see Bella and Edward forbade it, "don't go looking for her future either; we have done enough damage Alice." Alice was begging Edward to change his mind and when he refused she at least asked to say goodbye to Bella and Edward told her "no, Bella need's a clean break from us Alice." I could hear the pain in Edward's voice, this was killing him.

Edward took this worse of all, I wanted to talk to Edward and try to see how he was "Edward," I called to him as I walked to him. He turned around to look at me; I thought Edward would hate me because I was right all along. What I saw was horrible, I looked into his eyes and I saw such pain there, it was too much to handle, "Edward, I.." before I could finish Edward interrupt me "Not now Rosalie," he turned and walked away. Even Edward's walk had changed, since meeting Bella he walked with pride and confidence now...it’s like he is dragging himself just to move.

Emmett and I had helped Esme and Carlisle move, before we were on our way back to Africa. We did not talk much on the way back he was still depressed and I did not know what to say, it was no secret that I did not like Bella swan and from the first moment I laid eyes on that human I knew she would be trouble for my family and I ended up being right, but what I did not expect was how much that one human touched my family. She managed to touch every one of our lives in some way or another; well she did not touch mine.

I wanted to distance myself as far as possible from the human, I did not open myself up to her not once, I avoided her like she had the plague and I never spoke to her directly. I always thought I hated Bella swan for bringing conflict into my family and that her relationship with Edward would end bad and divide us.

It’s just I now find myself questioning how I feel about her. Do not get me wrong, I am glad Edward left Bella. The human has to be with her own kind, she deserves to grow up, have a family and have everything life can offer her. I just wish that she did not have to suffer this heartbreak she must no doubt be feeling and that Edward too would not be feeling this pain, but I believe in time things will become better. Bella will forget about us, she would think of us as a school girl fantasy, when she is married and perhaps explaining to her own heartbroken daughter someday that time heals all wounds or some such nonsense.

Edward, I hope he too can move on, that he finds a nice female vampire and falls madly in love with her. I however doubt that will happen, Edward loves Bella with all his heart and for him there can be no substitutes. I just don't know what I can do to help Edward. I don't think he will ever recover from this in fact he will only be worse off. Someone once said it was better to have love and loss than never to have loved before. I believed that in Edward's case it's wrong, he knew love and now he must go on for eternity with a bleeding heart.

Emmett and I have been home now for a few days and he is slowly starting to return to normal. I am going to go and see what I can do to cheer him up; maybe I will challenge him to a football game and let him tackle me if you get my drift.

~Rosalie Hale.