The hypocrite I have become (Entry 9)

Date: April 23rd 1935

“If I am his Angel, then he is my god“

Dearest Diary
How do I even begin to justify my behavior? I was waiting outside Carlisle’s office for the mysterious man to turn into an immortal. I was furious that Carlisle & Edward kicked me out of the office - Carlisle told me it was for my own safety , and of course they were right. This human…he looked powerful as a man, but as a newborn vampire he would be stronger than all of us put together. So I waited in the other room for the change to finish.

I was pacing, Esme watching me closely. I wanted the human’s pain to end. While I waited for the change to end I realized that I am a hypocrite. I always had resentment towards Carlisle. Even though I love him as a father, I resent him for turning me…for making me what I am, yet I asked Carlisle to change the human boy.

The Change was, of course, eventually completed. The newborn asked Carlisle the old predictable questions: “Who am I?” & Where am I?”" I could hear from the next room now, my hearing extra strong. Carlisle insisted on speaking to the newborn alone for Esme’s safety, and my own. Carlisle answered the newborns questions, and explained that he was here now because of me.


I heard everything and I just wanted to run in and comfort the newborn, I wanted to be close to him. I needed him. Esme could see how much I needed him and she told me to go in, but to take it slow. I looked at Esme with such love and affection - she really was a true mother and I was grateful for her.

I entered the room slowly, and introduced myself. He looked at me the same way I looked at him….with love and devotion. The newborn was beautiful. His skin was as pale as mine, his eyes blood red, and he still had those cute dimples. If my heart could beat it would beat only for him…I was that sure of my love for him.

I threw caution aside and I slowly approached him. I introduced myself to him, but he did not hear me, at least I don’t think he did. He ran past all of us with such speed, such grace, it was incredible. We caught up to him eventually, but it was too late. The newborn ran out the door and into the woods then killed a man, a hunter. He bit into the mans neck and drank him dry. When he finished I saw him fall to his knees, a broken man he asked God what he had done.

The question was wrong, it should have been what have I done. A lot more happened, but I don’t think I will ever be ready to write it. Oh, and his name is Emmett by the way. I really need to go now, I want to comfort him and do all I can for Emmett. I owed it to him after what I have done to him.

~Rosalie Hale