Beautiful Disaster (Entry 5)

Date: April 25th 1933

Dearest Diary
My life as I know it is over, and I am not being dramatic. In one evening the love of my life became my killer. My life was stolen & everything I dreamed of had been taken away from me.

After my visit to Vera, I left it and was dark in the streets, the lamps already on. I did not realize how late I was. I was so cold, too. It was so very cold considering it was April. I had decided to continue with the wedding and marry Royce. But now, I will never marry him. He condemned me to an eternal life of suffering.

I will make sure to exact my revenge on him, and his little friends too. I bet you are wondering what madness I am speaking of, what could make me loathe the man I claimed to have loved so very much.

As I said,it was cold for late April and already late. I was only a few streets from home when I heard loud laughing. I realized they were drunk as soon as I heard them. I immediately wished I called my father to escort me home, but the way home was so short. I thought it would be foolish. I jumped up in shock as I heard my name being called. Immediately after I heard it I felt fear and familiarity from the voice.

I realized that it was Royce and his friends. I had never seen Royce drunk before, he was a casual drinker yes, but to be this intoxicated… he was not the same man I loved. Royce began to prattle on incoherently, saying that I was late & he was cold and that I kept him and his company waiting for too long. I had made no arrangements to meet Royce or his company that evening.

He and his friends approached me, circled me. I felt so afraid. I remember,at the time, feeling like a fool for being afraid of my own fiance. Little did I know, that was my Human survival instincts telling me to run, to run home as fast as I could and lock the door..

Royce began to complement my beauty to one of Royce’s friends. A friend I had never met before, a man named John. This man had dark hair and he was tanned. The way he looked at me it frightened me. He examined me as if I was a horse he had interest in purchasing.

Royce grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me closer as if I was his property. The man made a comment about how difficult it was to see my beauty as I was clothed. I was shocked to see Royce laughing along with his friends. I was frightened when Royce ripped my jacket from my shoulder, it was a gift from him. He ordered me to show his friends what I looked like, and laughed about it as if this was a humorous situation.

He tore my hat out of my hair. The pins wrenched my hair from the roots as I cried out in pain. The men only seemed to like that more. As Royce’s friends held my arms, Royce, himself, tore off my dress.

I remember each and every one of their vulgar comments. Royce tossed me around like a child’s doll and when I screamed for help he slapped me and told me that I should know my place. I whimpered in pain as he forced himself on me. I begged for him to stop, I was in pain, what he did… it hurt so much as he tore into my flesh. I pleaded, but he didn’t stop. He continued as his friends watched, encouraging him.

After Royce did the unthinkable, forced himself on me, I thought it was all over. I was wrong. Royce insisted his friends “have their turn in making me a woman.” Those were the words he used.

I was in pain and shock, I tried to fight them off, but they held me down. They slapped me around and hurt me. The man known as John Slammed my head into the ground causing it to bleed. John finally finished with me, they all had their turn, then they left me on the streets.

I could hear them joke about having to find a new bride and Royce’s words: “I need to learn some patience first.” It was then for the first time I realized something. Royce had never loved me. I was nothing but a possession to him, something to own.

I waited in the road to die, it was cold and I was in a great deal of pain. It started to snow. I could feel the snowflakes drop on me as I looked into the starless sky. I wondered why wasn’t I dying…what would take death so long for him to come and claim me. What could be taking death so long.

Doctor Carlisle Cullen found me. I felt a little irritated as he worked, trying to save my life. I did not want to be saved, though, I wanted death to come and claim me. I wanted sweet oblivion to take me away from this existence. I did not want to feel anything at all.

I closed my eyes hoping that if I pretended to be dead, he would leave me alone to die in peace. After a few moments I thought I had finally died. I felt like I was floating, like I was flying. I, however, realized that I was still in pain and when I opened my eyes, I was in a bright room. It was so very warm. I was annoyed to still be alive, but my annoyance turned into gratitude because I was finally slipping away as the pain began too dull.

I eventually noticed something sharp was cutting my throat, my wrist & ankles. I screamed in shock thinking that Doctor Cullen brought me to this bright room to hurt me more, then the fire started to burn. I begged him to kill me, but he refused. Dr. Cullen had this smile on his face, and I begged him, and begged him. He sat there in silence as his wife and brother in-law returned.

When they came to investigate the screams I unleashed I begged them both to kill me too, but they did not. Carlisle sat with me the entire time. He held my hand and apologized. He promised that the pain would end. He told me everything, and sometimes, I would listen. He told me what he was, what I was becoming….a vampire.

I didn’t believe him. He apologized each time I screamed out in pain. Edward had called for him and I heard them argue over me. Edward was on my side, he wanted me dead. Through the few times I had encountered Edward, I could always see what he thought of me. The man had no tact. I was grateful just this once that we were on the same page. I wanted death just as much as he wanted me dead.

Esme of course sided with her husband in prolonging my torture and allowing me to suffer. After the argument Esme sat with me, throughout my transformation. While I was in one of my lucid moments she dressed me in one of her dresses and threw away the tattered clothing.

Edward challenged Carlisle’s authority again, asking what they would do with me. I could hear the argument so clearly. Carlisle suggested that I may want to go my own way. I was terrified at that suggestion. I knew my life was over, but I did not want to be alone. I thanked God many times as my pain slowly ended. Carlisle & Esme explained to me again what I was, while Edward leaned on the wall with his arms folded as he glared at me. This time I believed Carlisle & Esme. I felt the thirst, my flawless beautiful & hard skin. I caught the reflection of my brilliant blood red eyes in the glass.

I felt better when I saw my reflection, I was just as beautiful as the Cullens now, if not more beautiful, with the exception of my eyes.

I had decided to stay with the Cullens & the three agreed it would be best if we left soon, seeing as I am what they like to call a “newborn.” I was surprised when Edward asked to be alone with me. When he found me alone, he welcomed me into the family and he gave you, my diary, to me. He explained that he had snuck into my home to see if he could bring me anything to make the stress of this change less painful… and then he found you, my dearest diary.

I asked if he had read you and he swore he hadn’t. He asked for me to trust him. I found that hilarious and I realized that I would never trust another man as long as I lived. I must leave now. Edward, Carlisle & Esme are taking me hunting so my thirst doesn’t become overwhelming. I will tell you this before I leave… Royce & his friends, their days are numbered.

~Rosalie Hale