Overwhelmed

Maybe I am not alone
Date: may 4th, 2009

Dear Diary
Today is the day I love and hate I love it because today is the day my beautiful angel was born....I hate it because it's the day she was taken away from me. She is three years old today that's three years worth of stolen memories...kisses and hugs. My little Jayne I miss you so much. I spent the entire day in my bedroom I locked myself away from the world I just wanted to be alone to grieve in peace I did not have the strength to put up a facade today. I cut myself from the entire world and locked away my entire consciousness for the longest of time I stayed still and numb under my blankets occasionally I would hear Brian knocking on the door asking me what I was doing. I did not answer him back a small part of me wondered why he was not at work, but mostly I Did not care how could I when my soul purpose for living was taken away from me. The day seemed to pass by really slow what felt like an entire day was only an hour. I stayed in my room ignoring the growling at the door Brian seemed to be angry....I wondered if it was because of me....probably was I could never do anything right.

I was too dead on the inside to care anyway. I was fading away into the dark aybss when I heard a loud banging sound it was Brian he kicked down the door and pulled the blankets off me cursing in some super speed tones i could not hear. He lifted me up and carried me out of my bedroom and into the bathroom he lowered me in the shower and turned on the cold shower. I snapped awake and felt the water soak me completely I looked up to see Brian's concerned face watching me his unusual ruby red eyes was watching me intently "What the hell are you doing" I yelled at him. He climbed into the shower and sat beside me the water soaking him too he wrapped his cold arms around me and asked me what's wrong. I said nothing to him he stroke my wet brown hair and I notice my spray on hair dye was washing out. the goth makeup I always wore washed away with the blond dye and I told Brian to leave me alone, but he didn't he asked me what was wrong why was I suffering so much he wanted to know what would make me go into the never ending layers of despair. I got up and finally snapped and I told him. I told him about my home life, about Jayne everything.

The entire time he watched me with a shock look of disbelief I asked him if he felt better now that he took in a screw up freak. I watched him as he got up and looked down at me I hated being so short he wrapped one hand around me for a one armed hug I was surprise at what he said "I am glad to have met you babygirl and I am glad to finally see the beautiful goddess behind the clown makeup" I broke down into tears, I told Brian the truth and he did not reject me. He instead leaned down and kissed me passionately. I was in shock once my shock passed I kissed his ice cold lips back passionately as I wept I never felt so vulnerable before it was like Brian was ripping down all the walls I built to protect myself, then Brian tore off his wet clothing and threw it to the side he pulled me close and ripped away all my clothing tearing it to shreds the fabric made no difference our naked bodies were hugging in a tight embrace.

Brian pulled back from the kiss and looked at me he had one hand on my neck and I felt his finger nail push into my skin I looked to see blood come out he pushed me into the wall of the shower the water still pouring on us he moved my hands against the wall and pinned me to the wall he leaned down to my bleeding neck and started kissing my bleeding neck...no not kissing he sucked the blood from my wound....like a leech it felt nice and weird. We then.....we made love there in the shower he was so rough...so powerful it....it hurt a little, but I did not care much it felt so good. He had a good endurance by the time he finished I was weak in the legs and fell onto my knees I am not sure, but I think I passed out in the shower I woke up in my bedroom naked with Brian sleeping beside me I turned on my lamp to the low light setting and sat up leaning on the wall I looked at his beautiful smile he was so beautiful so childlike in his sleep. I looked down at my body and well there is some bruises mainly on my wrist it's all purple, but I don't care....I am happy for the first time in a Long time I am happy.

Brian just wrapped his hand around my waist and mumbled my name. I am looking at his naked body and I can't help, but blush he is perfect so muscular and flawless. I look at Brian now and realized something has changed within me....something is not the same I have to go, I need time to reflect on this sensation i'm feeling.

~Sarah frost


Brians place



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