Goodbye to you & everything i knew
Date: April 27, 2009
Dear Diary
I have been thinking about her a lot recently, I promised myself I wouldn't, but I can't help it. I watch the dates go buy and it seemed time seems to be speeding up just to torment me. My Jayne's birthday is coming up in a few more days she will be three years old....three years of stolen memories, stolen smiles and stolen words....how badly I crave to hear her say mommy...My Jayne I love you so much, I need to hold you more than you could ever possibly imagine all I have of you is this picture of you.
I can't do this anymore, I just can't it hurts too much. I was such an idiot why didn't I keep trying to kill myself, what the heck was going in my head what did I think some magic solution would come?, that some talk...dark & handsome stranger would come into my life and take away all the pain. I was such a stupid and naive fool, I can't stand this anymore. Just let my suffering end please.
No one can reach me, I feel so alone I'm in too much pain to survive on my own, the hurt I can't handle overflows to a knife maybe if im lucky, i will take my own life. Yes that's it, I can't do this anymore I just want out of this life, I give up come and take me away from the chains i am stuck with. This will be my last Diary entry...I am sitting here all alone at the park bench, I always felt so calm and peaceful when I came here...yes this is the place. I can't find a more fitting place to write my final diary entry & My suicide note.
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Dear Jayne
My name is Sarah Amanda Frost, I am 17 years old.... I would have been 18 in a few days and you would have been 3 at , had I, the strength to resist the easy way out. I am writing this letter so maybe one day you will learn the truth about me.
I am sure you were told, that I gave you up for adoption & that I did not want you. That is a load of **** I always wanted you Jayne even throughout the pregnancy when I was scared out of my mind I knew one thing for sure That I would protect you and love you with all my heart. I bet your asking "if that's true then why wasn't I there" After I gave birth to you, I got to hold you just one time Jayne just once, before you were taken away by the nurses. They told me I needed to rest, I was in pain I mean trust me childbirth is a painful thing Ask for a C section trust me on that, I was practically stoned on painkillers after giving birth to you, During that time my aunt visited me and convinced me I was an unfit mother...I couldn't understand what she was saying half the time. She gave me some sort of document to sign and that's all I remember. I woke up in the morning and asked for you and you were gone
I begged them to bring you back, I couldn't think of life without you Jayne You have no idea how much I agonized about this, you were gone and there was nothing I could do, my aunt's husband was a lawyer, he made sure those documents were airtight.
I need you to know
I am sorry, Sorry because I failed you as a mother, I wanted so much to be apart of your life, but I can't & since i can't life is just too much for me, the pain I am in it's agony.
Please forgive me
Love Mommy.
« Last Edit: Jun 17, 2010, 6:32pm by Martin » Report to Mod - Link to Post - Back to Top Logged
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