A little less pep

Topic: What If my life was different
Date: April 22, 2009


Dear diary

I think I may have gone a little over the top. I am sitting here in the principal office while the principle has gone to look up my school records. Now before you ask me what I did now let me just say this, The pep rally had it coming. I wonder can you get framed for something you did?, probably not, but it's going to be my defense either that or claimed I was tricked by a jock who gave me the smoke bomb and told me it was a bong. I wonder what the percentages of him believing that. I mean it's not my fault they are sending out confusing messages, I mean why the hell say constantly "Be aggressive be be aggressive:, if they don't want you to be aggressive why say it?

I wonder what will happen if I get suspended or expelled?
I wonder if the cheerleaders knew yet that it was I showing my aggression.
I wonder what if my life would have been like if i was like them, a brainless cheerleader.

I wonder what would have happened if my mother wasn't a drunk & my father wasn't invisible. Would I be able to dream and have some hope for the future? I have so many more questions in my head, but I can't bring myself to ask. I just can't help wonder one big thing what could I have been if I had a loving mother & father? Maybe I would have lived up to my dream. I wanted to be a singer so badly, music is my passion and as much as it kills me now, I still dream of singing...its the second most important thing in the world to me. I bet you can guess what the first most important thing in the world is to me.

I know I could never have either of those dreams. I have it all figured out the theory of life, there are two types of people born on this world, the haves & have nots, The haves get everything they want on a silver platter without no effort. Now the universe being such a fair **** evens things out, so in order for the haves to have everything it's the have nots (Me) squirm and suffer for the rest of our life to keep the cosmic universe in order....it sucks, but nothing can be done, just accept this crappy life and hope for sweet release.

I should probably go, who knows when the monkey figures out he can walk with my file to the office, anyway

Later days

~Sarah
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