Lost in the moment

Topic: this is just going to be so weird being without tobias, i guess i need to this time alone to sort myself out
Date: June 11th,2019


Dear Journal

I had plans you know, I wanted to get Tobias settled in to this new house only problem is he is not here, I need to tell you what happened recently. Right after my last entry I packed a sports bag with some of Tobias's clothing he was sleeping over at the Denali's because our new furniture did not arrive. When I arrived I found Tobias fast asleep on the couch tucked under the blanket he slept. He seemed so peaceful when he sleeps. I wanted to wake him up, but Carmen told me to let the boy sleep. I Left the bag by the couch and walked outside to get some fresh air. I stayed within hearing distance, hearing my son breathe softly inhaling and exhaling. Since becoming a father there is a lot of things I love, here let me give you a list of my favourite sounds

1. My son's heart beat
2. The way my son breathes
3. My son's laughter
4. My son's attitude
5. My son's voice
6. My son's table manners [Lack there of]
7. My son's snore
8. My son's sleep talk

Yes if I could make that into an album I would, maybe I am getting a little obsessive, but I can't help it he is my world. You will never know or understand love until you have a child. because when you have a child you realize how insignificant your life is until you have a child, because you realize that you are no longer the most important person in your life, you have a child that depends & relies on you to look after them, to feed them & clothe them & make sure they have bathes even though they try to bail. Tobias is the most important person in my life. He is sacred to me, and as I keep trying to describe how much I love him there is no words for love, there is this feeling inside me it’s a warmth I feel and I can't imagine my immortality without this warmth inside me. I swear one day I will find a way to describe the magnitude of this sensation & the emotions.

Tanya eventually came outside and joined me, being in her presence was a little strange I guess it's awkward because of that incident that happened last time we saw each other. We were close to having sex, but I couldn't...I was still holding onto my memories of the woman I loved. Tanya told me about Tobias behaviour he had used his gift to blind Kate. I was shocked Tobias would do that, he knew better than to use his gift on others to harm them I made sure he knew to only do that if it was self defence...I am going to have to ground him once we are settled in. Tanya told me she received a call from Rosalie Hale earlier wondering if they could bring Tobias over today. I asked her if my son would be safe there and she told me of course he would be the Cullens were a gentle coven that knew the meaning of Love & family. I told her I would think about it, Letting Tobias visit the Cullens would give me time to set the house up for when the furniture arrived & it would also allow me to go food shopping for Tobias. If he was with me he would probably be bored out of his mind. I told Tanya Tobias could go and visit the coven as long he is with Eleazar. I trusted him enough to care for my son at least for today; I don't think anyone could protect my son or care for him like I do.

I waited for Tobias to wake up and when he finally did I hugged him good morning and proceeded to scold him for blinding Kate, Tobias frowned and I petted his head trying to reassure him that I loved him. I just wanted him to know what he did was wrong and that he should lean from his mistakes. I mean how will he grow and mature if he never learns from his mistake. Tobias told me he was not hungry so I gave him the sports bag and told him to go to the bathroom and get changed; he was going to meet the Cullens today. My son seemed very excited he bolted off towards the bathroom with the sports bag and closed the door a locking sound could be heard, I thanked Eleazar for taking Tobias off my hands for today and Eleazar told me he did not mind, he found Tobias to be a delightful child. I was glad Tobias had managed to charm everyone around him. Tobias came out a few moments later dressed the boy had forgot to comb his hair he looked scruffy this would not do, I pulled out the comb from the sports bag side pocket and moved to Tobias and began combing his hair "Dad stop it you're embarrassing me" he complained, "well next time you will think to comb you're hair before you claim to be ready...you wont go out as some scruffy punk." I told him, Tobias frowned as he kept trying to push my hand away & Tanya chuckled watching while Kate, Carmen, Eleazar & garret were quiet.

I finally finished and looked at his face and saw a smudge on his cheek "here let me get that" I spoke pulling out a tissue from my pocket, I suddenly felt Tobias stomp my foot and I hopped back to watch him bolt "That HURTS you little punk." I roared. Tobias chuckled darkly and I glared at him, "it was either that or let you clean me and that’s just creepy dad" I glowered at him as he gave me attitude....I decided to drop it "Fine...he is ready to go now, but be on you're best behaviour and no showing off." I told my son, I watch my son smile and everyone, but Tanya seemed to be getting ready to go. Tobias left out the door "Hey where is my hug" I yelled out, in less then what would have been a human heart beat Tobias returned and gave me a hug I placed my hand on his back "Love you dad" he spoke "Love you more" I replied and watched as he let go and ran out of the door. To catch up with Carmen, Kate and Garrett. Eleazar promised me Tobias would be fine and left to join them. I asked Tanya if she was going with everyone else and she told me she wanted to help out.

I found it odd, and thanked her for the offer Tanya told me not to bother fighting her that she wanted to help me I accepted her help and thanked her and we went back to my place. She told me more about the Cullens which was good it reassured me that my son was safe there and would probably have a blast with them. eventually the furniture arrived and with Tanya's help I had the house set up in no time, the phone company were sending out someone from technical support to come and get my internet all set up, Tanya surprised me "your eyes are black, I think we should go hunting." I did feel thirsty, but I thought I could handle the thirst, but decided I should have something to eat first before Tobias comes home from the Cullens place. I went hunting with Tanya; she was indeed fast it was hard to get in front of her I spent a lot of time watching her from behind. The entire time I was watching her ass in those jeans, I wondered if she was trying to seduce me, I remember Eleazar once telling me that Tanya, was referred to as one of the Original succubus an interesting fact. This is not the first time I have known a historic vampire. I met a vampire about 50 years ago who called himself Alex He was born in the year 1401 in France, his parents were very wealthy and he was turned in the year 1430. Alex witnessed Joan of Arc being burned at the old Market place in Rouen in 1431 I had to admit that was incredible to have met someone who actually saw Joan of Arc & her death, he did a lot of other interesting things but what he told me next was something out of this world, he witnessed Jack the ripper's first murder back in 1888. Alex told me out of boredom he taught Jack how to kill effectively without leaving evidence. Alex actually considered jack to be a nice young man with potential. As soon as Alex told me that I learned Alex was squirrels short of a tree. Alex told me he had every intention of turning Jack; thankfully Alex failed and ended up killing the human. To this day the humans have no idea what happened to Jack the ripper as for Alex I have no idea where he is now days.

Anyway enough about Alex, I was following Tanya & we spotted a brown bear we both pounced the brown bear together and with a thud the bear hit the ground. Tanya and I both fed from the bear, the blood tasted foul compared to that of a human, but at least this creature tasted somewhat human I guess it's because bears eat other animals unlike deer. Tanya & I pulled up and looked at each other we watched each other for a moment and before I knew it I pounced Tanya and started kissing her. I Had her hands pinned by her wrist sitting on top of her and kissing her, I did not understand why I was doing it, I still don't understand it. I ripped Tanya's clothing off and passionately made love to her Tanya was just as passionate as I was, she was fierce and well she insisted on being on top. The strange thing is while the sex was passionate things between us was awkward. I thought I would have felt different afterwards, but I felt nothing at all. I felt nothing because it meant nothing I mean when I was with...Sarah it meant something because I loved her and wanted to be with her forever when we made love it was like we were one being, with Tanya it was just spur of the moment mostly. Tanya laid her head on my arm and I laid beside her she praised my skills and told me she enjoyed herself she asked me how it was for me, I thanked the stars above I did not have to answer the mobile in my pants went off I got up and answered the phone it was Eleazar.

Eleazar told me Tobias wanted to speak to me, I asked Tobias what was wrong & if he was alright a concerned and he told me "Relax dad I was just wondering if I could stay over at the Cullens for a while Mr. Cullen said it was alright." I asked Tobias how long he wanted to stay there and he told me and get this in his own words "Just 10 days" I could not believe this "Just 10 days are you kidding me, no Tobias you are sadly mistaken if you think I am letting my only son be out of my sight for 10 whole days that’s almost two weeks", Tobias tried to interrupt me with "but dad" I would not allow it "No Tobias and that’s my final word, ten days is just too much."Tobias continued to plead with me and told me he really liked the Cullens and they did not mind him staying to get to know them better. I sighed and asked him to put Carlisle on the phone, I asked Carlisle if he was sure about this and Carlisle told me it was no problem and offered me a place to stay as well if I wanted to.

thought about the offer and asked if it was alright if I had daily visits & phone calls, Carlisle answered "but of course that is no problems." I thanked Carlisle and asked him to put my son on the phone I told him he was allowed to stay on the condition that I visited him & He behaved and of course his response was "but dad" I told him I would be over shortly to pick him up and he quickly gave in. I smiled and hung up the phone after he told me he was going to go play baseball with the Cullens & the rest of the Denali's. I looked at Tanya and she just smiled she told me I sounded adorable, thankfully she forgot her question. I honestly did not want to hurt her feelings, after getting dressed in what was left of our clothing we popped around to her place first Tanya had to get dressed into a new outfit, while she got changed I grabbed the sports bag I brought over. Then we returned to my place where I got changed and packed my son a weeks worth of clothing in the sports bag, I must be nuts to agree to this, but Tobias wanted this and I think I need to sort myself I mean I just had meaningless sex with Tanya. Anyway here I am telling you what happened and like I told you it's a lot to process anyway I have to go I need to take this clothing over to the Cullens.

~Brian Jacobson



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