May 2, 1933

Diary,

Rosalie has been a vampire for a little over a week now. We have told her everything that we thought she should know; our pasts, how we all met, and most importantly the rules. She listened very politely while we all shared with her. First Carlisle told her all about his past, it is painful to see him remember the horrible things he has been through. As he told of how he met Edward, the story silently shifted to Edward speaking. I comforted my husband as our son told of his past and how Carlisle saved him at his mother’s request. Soon the story transitioned to me, and I took over.

I told her everything, my Carlisle sat by my side holding my hand through it all. If I could cry, I would have, a lot. I told her of my parents forcing me to marry, when all I wanted was to become a school teacher. I shared all of the horrible things my husband did to me, how he beat me and treated me like trash, and that no matter how horrible he was, I was coached to be a ‘good wife’. How happy I was when he left for the war, and how scared I was when he returned. The most painful thing I had to share was my baby, my little boy. I carried that monsters child for nine months, loving my baby every day. I gave birth to him alone, only for him to die shortly after. It is the clearest and most painful memory I have, even more than my change. It breaks my heart every time I think of him. I sullenly shared my suicide attempt, that I had jumped off a cliff and it almost worked. The doctors all thought I was dead, until Carlisle found me in the morgue. My heart was faintly beating, only his vampire hearing could pick it up. I couldn’t speak anymore, I felt like I was going to fall apart. Carlisle took over from there.

He explained his attraction to me, and his need to stop my suffering. His decision to change me was easy. He explained that we did not fall in love instantly as I was not too sure of men after my first husband. But as the years went by we realized how much we loved each other and got married. He really is the best thing to ever happen to me.

Now after sharing my story and thinking of my past, after having not thought of it in so long, I see why I was so drawn to Rosalie. We really are a lot alike. All either of us wants is to be a mother. I was lucky enough to shortly have that opportunity, and I have it again with my lovely adopted children, but it is not the same. I understand Rosalie’s pain and aversion to being a vampire. She was going to get married, have and raise children, grow old with her love and watch her children get married and have children of their own. That was my dream to, at one time. I wanted nothing more than to have that dream come true. I am okay with it now. It still hurts sometimes but I can deal with it much better, she will lean too. One day she will find her mate and maybe they will have adoptive children of their own. Until then she is my little girl, and I will take care of her the best I can.

I am happy she has decided to stay with us. I will help her overcome her pain. I will teach her to be a real lady, not the way her mother showed her. I will help her to be as kind and as loving as I am. We will grow together, and help each other get over our pasts. I really do hope she will open up more, and not be so afraid of the boys touching her. But I understand, she went through a lot, and I don’t expect her to be okay with everything just yet. Well it has been very hard for me to relive that experience again so I am going to go for a walk my wonderful Carlisle. It will be nice to spend a little bit of time together. He always knows how to make me feel better.

Always,
Esme